“Here's an economics exam and a loyalty oath,” Glenn R. Bernard, Carlsbad council candidate, said at the conclusion of a forum last week.
“I drove my Ford F-150 here tonight. Fiscal responsibility. Loyalty. Patriotism. I want to ask everyone seated to my right to raise your hand if you drove an American-made vehicle tonight as I did.”
The five candidates looked like a lineup of Alaskan moose caught in headlights.
After a pregnant pause, Evan Delaney Rodgers, a Cal State San Marcos student, cracked up the Rotarians when she blurted out, “I don't drive!”
As the laughter subsided, Bernard – he has, according to the League of Women Voters, been endorsed by his wife, son and daughter – persisted. “Anyone else?” he asked.
Keith Blackburn, a Carlsbad police officer near retirement, said he drove a Harley-Davidson.
“Harley-Davidson,” Bernard said approvingly. “That will get you a job in the city of Carlsbad with me.”
A well-seasoned foursome – 28-year incumbent Ann Kulchin; Farrah Douglas, astute civic volunteer of 20 years; Thomas K. Arnold, a longtime journalist who is now a magazine publisher; and Blackburn, a wealthy cop (no, it's not an oxymoron) with a business and philanthropic background – have a fair shot at one of the two City Council seats up for grabs in November.
Kulchin won't concede that two seats are open. “I'm not giving mine up,” she told the roomful of Rotarians with a sweet, but steely, smile.
That leaves Rodgers, a fresh peach of a rookie candidate who is running a plucky arts-and kids-oriented campaign, and the burly Bernard, a former Marine with a shaved head who, before the forum, told me: “I don't think the way other people think. I just don't.”
Gee, you think?
Most every local election – from tiny water and school boards to august councils – has a great Bernard or two.
They're the righteous candidates who don't put up signs, either because they don't have the money or they claim the high moral ground, as Bernard does.
I confess, these hopeless crusades are a guilty pleasure of mine. These are the candidates who espouse ideas that, if you follow them to their logical conclusion, make your head explode.
For example:
Bernard, who graduated from Whittier College (Richard Nixon's alma mater) with an economics degree, believes the transient occupancy (aka hotel) tax “is the worst tax in America. It's the only tax that violates the concept of taxation without representation. It's tyranny.”
To address this George III-level abomination, Bernard proposes that Carlsbad create reciprocal agreements with other cities to lift the TOT at hotels and motels. This tax vacation would increase occupancy at local hotels, making up for the lost revenue, he unblinkingly asserts.
Bernard, 56, said John McCain's widely ridiculed gas-tax holiday was half-right. In Bernard's maverick vision, ordinary Joes and Janes going about their business shouldn't have to pay any gas taxes. However, those who buy fuel for recreation – private planes, NASCAR drivers – should be taxed.
“I'm the guy with no signs – but good ideas,” said the inventor of soccer golf, a hybrid sport.
Describing himself as a political independent, the 20-year Marine told me he is voting for McCain for two fundamental reasons: Bernard doesn't vote for anyone without three years in the military; moreover, he doesn't vote for lawyers.
“Buy American and vote Marine,” Bernard ordered the polite, if leery, Rotarians.
Bernard's rule of the road is that anyone seeking a government job or salary increase “must show ownership of an American-made vehicle for at least two years.”
If that requirement causes an employee shortage, he has the solution: “I was working out at Camp Pendleton with some guys today. 'How would you like to work for Carlsbad?' I asked them. 'In a heartbeat,' they said.”
If the municipal unions get out of hand, “We should do what Ronald Reagan did . . . with air-traffic controllers. (He fired them.) Camp Pendleton has an on-the-job (training) facility for Carlsbad – very quickly, very easily.”
OK, OK. I hear you.
Bernard doesn't have a prayer of being elected to arguably the most smoothly governed city in the county. Carlsbad's council is legendary for its public collegiality, its members' longevity in office, its tax base beyond the dreams of avarice, its stress-free budgets.
In comparison, San Diego's government seems like a cage fight of starving jackals.
So here's my 2008 election pledge:
If Bernard winds up winning one of the two seats, I'll hand-wash his F-150 truck every Sunday afternoon for four years.
“I'm an honest guy,” he told me, leaning in close. “I just have stuff that has to be said.”
With that campaign strategy in force, I think my Sundays are safe.
Logan Jenkins: (760) 737-7555; logan.jenkins@uniontrib.com.
