This Raider Thing with the Chargers has turned from something once steeped in cold blood to walking with cake. Oakland has become the NFL's mud room. No need to wipe your feet before you come in. The Raiders will do it for you. Raider Nation should be ashamed. Its team has gone from pulp fiction to a romance novel. A light, nice, easy read.
These aren't the Raiders anymore. Where's the pride, the poise, the greatness, the Team of the Decades? Where is the fight? The sheer wickedness? The meat? The potatoes? The whiskey and rye? The criminal element? They now show up with tea and finger sandwiches. They should play in the Hotel Del lobby.
The Chargers-Raiders game here last night wasn't the Chargers-Raiders we once knew and, truthfully, it hasn't been for a while. San Diego's methodical 34-10 thumping of its sprained-arch rival had no real feel to it. Usually, a night game kicks up the intensity level, but there was little of it.
It was almost scripted, the outcome never questioned. The Chargers are that much better now, the Raiders that much worse. Commitment to Excellence is floating in the East Bay.
There weren't even many fights in the stands. Their fans seem to have conceded that they've hitched their wagon to a falling star.
SEAN M. HAFFEY / Union-Tribune
Gang-tackled Oakland RB Zack Crockett serves as an example of how the Chargers were all over the Raiders last night.
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What kind of Raiders were these? They played 60 minutes – if you want to call it "played" – without committing a penalty. No penalties. The Raiders. Usually, there are more hankies out at an Oakland game than during "An Affair to Remember."
"The most remarkable thing of this whole football game, and I've been doing this a long time, I cannot remember the last time that I coached a game in the NFL when there was only one penalty," said Chargers coach Marty Schottenheimer, who has been in charge of 306 NFL games. "That was absolutely remarkable and unfortunately we had the one. But we'll get that worked out."
That Schottenheimer. Always good with the punch line. But he loves this stuff, especially when Oakland acts as the setup.
When asked if Oakland has changed personality, not drawing any flags, Raiders quarterback Kerry Collins said: "I think it says we had no penalties today."
It says they should change their colors to silver and fuchsia.
The Raiders, who once owned the Chargers to the point of getting the deed, can't beat them anymore. San Diego has taken them five straight times. It's as if we're back in the early '60s, before Al Davis went to Oakland, when the Bolts beat them six in a row.
The Chargers tried to put the proper spin on it, but we weren't buying.
"It's a Charger-Raider game," said quarterback Drew Brees, who basically spent the evening taking what Oakland gave him, which was plenty enough. "It's been like that for a long time as far as intensity. Both sides really get up for it."
Well, one side.
The Raiders stunk. They didn't even try much of their vertical game thing, which is why they wanted Randy Moss. Did Moss make the trip? If they're going to keep throwing him 5-yard outs, they're wasting a lot of Davis' dough.
As for Schottenheimer, who loves to beat the Raiders more than he loves golf – OK, maybe it's close – he can't lose to them. Whatever their number is – zero? – he has it. He now owns a 25-7 record against them during his time here, in Kansas City and Cleveland. No other coach can come close to that. The Raiders weren't always this putrid, you know. That's a terrific record against a storied franchise.
"You know, we knew coming in this was going to be a battle at the outset and it lived up to that without any question," the head coach spun. "I thought the Raiders, particularly their defense, really, really played hard."
Did you see how hard the Raiders were playing on that 70-yard interception return for a touchdown by Chargers safety Clinton Hart? They looked as though they were watching a train go by. Sorry, these aren't the Raiders. Give us a late hit. Anything.
Hard to say the old coach ever has had it this easy, though. Last night's affair had no real thrill to it. By halftime, San Diego was in charge. There was very little in the way of spectacular. Even tailback LaDainian Tomlinson, who eats the Raiders for snacks, was nothing more than average for him, gaining 86 yards on 25 carries.
It became Brees' game to win and it wasn't that long ago we were saying he doesn't have to win games, just not lose them. He completed 17-of-22 passes for 160 yards and two scores with no interceptions. His passing rating was an excellent 127.1.
Of course, it helps when you hold the other team to 10 points and you have one of the better offenses in the game and you're playing at home.
"We held them to 10 points and that's going to be a win for you most weekends," Schottenheimer conceded.
That it will. The Chargers' defense, in case you haven't noticed, is getting better, and it isn't an old defense.
And so, here we are, a week into December, and San Diego is still standing in the AFC playoff puddle, a game behind Denver in the AFC West.
It will get tougher. The Chargers are done with the Raiders now.
Nick Canepa: (619) 293-1397; nick.canepa@uniontrib.com
