CRISSY PASCUAL / Union-Tribune
Barry Smedley and his wife, Corinne, traced Barry's roots beyond England and to Barbados, where he not only discovered that he has black ancestors, but also that a long-lost part of his family still lives there. |
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Barry Smedley longed for a sense of family. When he and his first wife were divorced 23 years ago, his children, for the most part, left the picture, too. Smedley, who is from England but now lives in San Diego, has two siblings who live overseas. They are not only literally separated by miles from Smedley, but emotionally, as well.
Smedley said he actively tried to reconnect with his family, but his efforts were not returned. His third sibling died last year. The void inside Smedley was deep, and he was searching for the comfort of family.
In 2003 he found what he was looking for, but in a place he didn't expect to find it – Barbados. Smedley, 69, discovered another part of his family – the Rudder side – he didn't know existed. Last month, he was able to meet this long-lost family at a reunion in Barbados.
“It was incredible,” Smedley said. “It was what anyone would want to feel – family, love, care, concern, and even little kids were coming up and putting their arms around me.”
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FAMILY REUNION
PASSAGE
Barry Smedley, who is from England but now lives in San Diego, discovered he had relatives in Barbados and met them at a reunion last month.
REVELATION
Smedley realized he wasn't who he thought he was, and he gained a greater acceptance of people of all colors and creeds.
QUOTE
“After having this opportunity to be with family for five days, I can tell you it was the most wonderful feeling in the world,” Smedley said. “I looked around knowing that every single person there was a relative of mine.”
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About 100 people from all over the world gathered in Barbados to celebrate the 200th birthday of Smedley's great-great-grandfather. The reunion was the first of its kind for the Rudder family. It was a five-day celebration that consisted of workshops, tours and large family gatherings. For Smedley, it was paradise found.
While he didn't know it at the time, the journey to finding his paradise began when Smedley was 5 years old. Then he was mystified by his father's hair. It was tight and crinkly, unusual for an Englishman. Smedley would ask his mother why his father's hair looked as it did, but she would not answer him.
“When I asked, she'd say, 'Go and play in the garden,' ” Smedley said.
It wasn't until his mother died in 2003 that the secret was revealed: Smedley's father had unusual hair because some of his ancestors are black.
“My mother obviously knew, but there was no way she was going to share the story,” Smedley said.
Photo courtesy of Barry Smedley
Barry Smedley's father (left) had tight, crinkly hair, a clue that led Barry (second from right) to finding his ancestors. Barry's two brothers and mother also are pictured.
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His mother grew up in the post-Victorian era, and during that time, it was considered taboo to have “mixed blood,” Smedley said.
Smedley's 2003 discovery came as the result of having a family tree drawn. The family tree revealed that Smedley's grandmother was Jane Elizabeth Rudder and that she was from Barbados. He later went on to find out that Smedley's great-great-great-grandfather married the daughter of an African slave.
The clue that Smedley's grandmother was from Barbados prompted Smedley and his wife, Corinne, to begin their search for the Rudder family there. The Barbados Tourist Society connected Smedley and Corinne to a genealogical researcher named Lila Salazar.
“I e-mailed Lila, and she came back to say, 'Not only can I help you with your family research, I am one of Barry's relatives,' ” Corinne said. “It was a total coincidence.”
Salazar is Lila's married name, but she, too, is a Rudder. She has written books about the Rudder family, as well as the history of Barbados.
Smedley and Corinne went to Barbados in 2003. They met Salazar, and she introduced them to the history of the family. It was during that trip that Smedley learned of the reunion that was to be held in April of this year in Barbados.
The reunion was a chance for a long line of Rudders and people related to the Rudder family to get to know one another and learn about their history.
A Thanksgiving service was held April 19, which was Smedley's great-great-grandfather's birthday, at the church where he is buried. Everyone had the opportunity to go on a tour of the island to see prominent places linked to the Rudder family.
One tour took them to see the last remaining fully operational wind-powered sugar mill in all of the Caribbean. It was built in the late 1700s, and the Rudders helped build the machinery inside the windmill.
A series of workshops were held during the reunion, and Smedley gave two presentations. One was about the Rudder involvement in the sugar history in Barbados. The other was about the English connection to the Rudder family.
“When it was my turn to stand up in front of the family, I stood up and said, 'I am the heir to the hair' and I put up a picture of my father,” Smedley said. “It broke the ice right away when I told everyone it was the dark features in them that led me to be there.”
Smedley also wore a curly wig during much of the reunion. That wig was a representation of his appreciation for the discovery that resulted from his inquiry about his father's hair, as well as his appreciation for his newfound, culturally diverse family.
Smedley was one of two Caucasians at the reunion, and he said that did not matter to him nor to anyone at the reunion.
“It was a pleasure to see my cousin far removed step forward and acknowledge our mutual ancestors,” Salazar said.
One revelation that has come from this experience, Smedley said, is that he has a greater acceptance of people of all colors and creeds. Also, he discovered that he isn't who he thought he was.
“Now I say to people, 'Research your family, because you may discover you're not who you think you are,' ” Smedley said. “It may change your whole way of looking at people for the good because you may be one of them.”
Smedley now feels he is a part of what he values most – family.
Family is the bedrock that civilization has been built upon, Smedley said, and he feels a lot of people have lost sight of that today. On a universal level, Smedley said the reunion was a step toward trying to keep family values and ancestry intact in today's world. And on a more personal level, it has helped Smedley achieve a sense of completeness.
“It has filled an enormous void in my life to find out that I have this tremendous, enthusiastic family over in Barbados,” Smedley said.
Nicole Reino is a Union-Tribune news assistant.
