Caroline Hax is on vacation. The following is taken from her live Internet chatroom conversations.
QUESTION: I have been seeing a wonderful man for about 10 months. He is perfect for me in every way, but he works atrociously long hours during the week. Because of this, he and I rarely see each other on weeknights, and our relationship is consequently limited to the weekends. I feel as though I have a long-distance relationship without the distance. I love him, and, to be honest, I'm OK with the way things are. I guess what I'm asking is whether you think this is healthy. If two people love each other, should they make more of an effort to see each other?
ANSWER: If you're honestly happy, then you've found an arrangement that suits both your needs and his, and there's nothing healthier than that. The only potential pitfall would be if your happiness were predicated on your telling yourself – secretly, subconsciously, whatever – that his circumstances will eventually change.
Once you are married, must ALL desires for the opposite sex cease, aside from your spouse? What do you do if you find yourself attracted to someone?
Of course you'll feel desires. You're still (more or less) human. The problem is when the desires are more compelling than the marriage itself. That's why tending to the couple aspect of being a couple is so important. If your flame at home is burning, you can get a stir from the outside and bring it home. If the flame at home is dead, any stir from the outside is going to be a painful reminder that the flame at home is dead.
Write to Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, or “Tell Me About It,” c/o The Washington Post, Style Plus, 1150 15th St., NW, Washington, DC 20071.
