It is obvious that Carole Serling doesn't have a clue about the ramifications of adoption (“An out-of-wedlock pregnancy by actress raises a host of issues,” Currents Sunday, Nov. 26, in response to Sandi Dolbee's story, “Manger scene cast in a new light,” Currents Family, Nov. 18). She states that Keisha Castle-Hughes “made a very selfish decision,” and that if Keisha was her daughter “she would be supported only in making sure the baby was given up for adoption.”
I would like to invite Serling to a Concerned United Birthparents support group in Carlsbad. Perhaps after listening to those of us who have experienced adoption, either surrendering or having been surrendered, she would retract the ignorant statements she made in her letter.
Serling states Keisha's baby would be better off with a “committed couple who could give the child the stability of a home with the mature, loving parents he or she deserves.” Adopting a child is too often used as a panacea for an ailing marriage, for filling the loss of infertility. When the child doesn't fix it, the “committed” couple split. The storybook adoption, the fantasy that society holds regarding adoption, ends.
Keisha will not be 16 for long. She will have help raising her child, just as others, including “committed” couples have help in raising their children. Will Keisha use day care? Possibly. Don't most parents these days? How many stay-at-home mothers does Serling know?
What Keisha's baby deserves is to be raised by Keisha and the supportive people she will gather around her. I applaud Keisha's parents for their support. This is their grandchild. How sad that Serling insists she can so easily surrender her grandchildren for strangers to raise.
Karen Vedder
Carlsbad
I just had to write after reading the letter from Carole Serling of Cardiff who was incensed that Keisha Castle-Hughes is going to raise her own child, even though she is only 16 years old. Well, Ms. Serling, this young woman is not going to be 16 forever. You wrote that if she were your daughter, the only decision you would support would be for her to give up her child, YOUR grandchild, to a “grown-up, married, committed couple who could give the child the stability of a home with the mature, loving parents he or she deserves.”
I had a child out of wedlock in 1965 and had to give her up for adoption (it was 1965 after all). The couple who raised her divorced when she was 10, her adoptive father being an alcoholic, philandering man. So much for stability and maturity. I met my husband seven months after having to relinquish my child, and we have been married for 40-plus years in a very committed marriage.
You also stated that Keisha will “no doubt put the child in the hands of day-care providers.” How about Rosie O'Donnell, who has adopted several children and has left them in the care of nannies while pursuing her career? Be very careful of suppositions about other people and their abilities. Fortunately, I've been reunited with my daughter for 12-plus years, and she finally found the stable mother that she always needed.
I respect your freedom to give a different opinion, but be careful of the pronouncements you place on others whom you do not know. I feel that this child coming into the world is entitled to be raised by his/her own mother and be connected to the family of birth and heritage.
Lynne Katzfey
Rancho Bernardo
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