QUESTION: My bonus daughter, age 14, came to live with us for the school year. Her mom has agreed to let her stay on for a second school year as long as my husband continues to pay child support. My husband has another daughter, age 11, who lives with her mother. I don't think my husband should have to pay her for the child living with us. My husband is afraid the mom will take the child away if he doesn't want to pay her anymore. What can we do?
ANSWER: We aren't attorneys, but it is our understanding that child support is calculated by a computer program influenced by things such as both parents' individual incomes and the percentage of time the child lives with each parent.
In your situation, the ex isn't necessarily a money-grubbing lunatic. The ex has planned a life around the money received each month; and if anything changes, he or she might lose the family home. And, yes, we know that child support is for the child, but three-bedroom homes cost more than two-bedroom homes. If one child goes to live with you, the cost of the home does not change. Mom most likely wanted to offer stability to the child who stayed, so she agreed to the change in placement based on the fact that she and the remaining sibling don't have to move. You could fight it, but if Mom loses that income and she and the remaining sibling are forced to move, the animosity may not be worth the cost of a court battle.
So being angry is really just a waste of time. Dad sees these payments as a way to have his daughter live with him. We suggest that he and his ex employ a mediator to help them reach a new financial agreement and then document the change in placement so he no longer fears losing his daughter.
The Ex Files is written by Jann Blackstone-Ford, M.A., and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe. They are the co-founders of Bonus Families (bonusfamilies.com) and the authors of “Ex-Etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After a Divorce or Separation.”
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